..afraid vs. Fear

On this day I said goodbye, I swallowed a coctail of pills, hoping for the worst, emotionally dusted, what can break anymore in rock bottom, six feet under, slumber, took my head to rest, not knowing if I was to wake or fade like dust, floating as it stench the air with my depature, I grief with silence, ashamed I am, view the eyes of thousands, an audience.
Am I okey?
Am I alive?
Am I afraid?
I am all, filled with fear, a heart that hurts, a mind that breaks, my hunger for peace between them, I’m confused, I’m sad, glancing in bad thoughts.
I almost sold my soul, am neither a human, nor am I a beast, am nothing. Nolonger do I exist.
I wonder what’s wrong with me, a mission or quest, life is no computer game, you can’t load from the last checkpoint.
In your eyes am a twisted memory, good and bad.
I feel dead yet alive, am living but decaying as I slowly fade away.
I’m a cancer. We were told to not loose ourselves, the mind can die while you’re still alive, the heart?


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