Ask Thyself.

On most nights am afraid still, this darkness has been chasing me with every setting sun, I know not about when it’ll get me but in the end, it gets everyone.

The wind blows but as leaves in autumn I hold on knowing that at some point I’ll be gone, fall off slowly to the ground, from ashes to ashes and dust to dust it was said.

Live life to the fill till you can’t feel anymore because you’ve finally crossed over, over to a side unknown to the sight of the living, remember that life is live in the current state of mind like when you go online on Instagram and connect to the millions live, the present is a gift and before you unwrap it and record it in the chapters of the book you’re reading that your life is written upon, there is much aligned.

Life is a sentence before the full stop, so live through every comma with your head above the water, through every single struggle keep the flame going within and before you rest your eyes to taste the touch of slumber, give thanks to the Most High and when you wake up give thanks again because there’s a reason why you’re still breathing, so ask yourself why He’s keeping you alive still.

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Under the Mummer.

He sat there staring into the digital platform in his hand frozen, in thought I thought, I looked at him and wondered what made him turn into a zombie for all these hours, so silent you could hear the broken tap in the kitchen dripping slowly.He showed no emotion, his face was blank, I tried to talk to him but he just gave me this look that made me tremble with fear.

Why is she asking me questions, if she only knew I want to tell her everything but lack the words for it, would she worry less or on realization of the truth, worry more, I see her face shifting and I feel hopeless, how am I supposed to be the man if life has turned me into its female dog, sucking my energy and I don’t know what to do, provide, that’s the mission but this message, the results came back.

Was it something that I did or didn’t do to him, to us, to everything that am now shut out, this is totally unlike him, I feel like a storm is brewing and he will leave for work soon as he usually does and I’ve not yet told him that we’re with child.

How to explain that you’re dying to family was the last thing I typed on Google search before she came and held me, I couldn’t speak, her touch softened me and these tears I now bleed.

I couldn’t take the distance between us anymore, I held on as tight as I could and didn’t let go, I looked up at him and broke down, in a way I knew what he was about to say and that was the day grey and white met face to face.

Under the Mummer. 

Nothing in Nothing.

It’s the first and things are falling apart, this isn’t a new phenomenon but something am somewhat used to, am not asleep yet but the others are, I have issues I have to let go of, places to visit internally and get away from the world around and dive deep, get lost within.I came to believe that everything happens for a reason and life will treat you fairly according to your punishment – now that last statement sounds off but it depends on how you view it.

The mind is home to many thoughts, good and bad, some are epic and others are tormenting, a war zone in its own engineered baffling way.

The heart holds and releases, even though broken, it works like it’s whole still, through the cracks the issues sip and stain the soul though – am not saying that it works perfectly.

As you grow old and you mature in wisdom, you build walls around to keep stuff out and each new wall is designed from and by experience, watch me turn cold.

A story untold unfolds as time ticks old, a soul sold in the darkness by the owner afraid that its light might never shine bright and illuminate.

To impress he dressed and so did she, she looks amazing in that dress – it’s hanging and holding everywhere just right to make him stare from across the room long enough before they could make eye contact.
Even though it’s not their first time meeting, today it felt so for an odd reason, new personas had emerged from each of the persons and that personal change gave them a fresh cut off the field and the rest of the day before the end of this is the only thing that would make it a lot of fun to watch as the sun set over the horizon to say goodbye for an eternal life till they meet again in the place promised beyond the skies.

There is a time for everything and anything but nothing in nothing. 

Peace.

God, why are you talking to me in this place, is thus what you meant exactly when you gave!

Will my favorite favour lead me to my grave or shame?

Nimechoka God.

Keep me still in all ways, sober in drained moments, lead me not to the grave because of pain that’s not my own to gain.

Naomba msamaha na sio tei kwa hii fate nagain, sio ati ninamblein, grave staki ikue my fame , ndani yangu niko na pain na Uo sio my gain. 

Stop.

Looking within as the beat played in the background, when am FUCKED up, that’s the real me, all walls down.
Stop looking at me that way, you don’t know the torture in my mind, you don’t know the pain in my chest, I wear it like a vest,  am acing the test, am just rhythming because I feel am the best, am on a quest and am blessed.
Lean not on your own understanding.
Too focused and concentration is among a couple people in the national nation your birthed in, Africa’s best and this I confess.

Hearts.

I tried to help but realized that I couldn’t.

Help is a friend’s​ victim so to speak, all I can do is give you my opinion but the choice is yours.
Read between the lines and see the depth that proves the existing presence of the one you have, had and will have from experience, she that loves you will never leave and the vice versa of the original.
The beauty within love is that it’s not really what you want but need, soulmate ni gate between fates, imagine states where you meditate about them and realize, she’s either your Eve or he’s your Adam.
Kusema ukweli, the truth hurts, the truth sets you free, the truth always comes out, the truth is unforgettable.

The card drawn.

Thanks.

Hapo vipi, the question made me insecure, terrified actually because at the moment I was blank.
Scratching​ my head wondering.
In my defense, I didn’t promise perfection, I didn’t say a monster doesn’t exist in me, the other side, so to speak.
How do you calm the storm with no power?

Do you borrow it, buy it or steal it from a mysterious entity?
The songs played on in the background but to him, the beat turned sour, at heart, the pain grew as the depth he dove in grew deeper by each memory, the feel of miss, the kiss that blew he off his feet, the effect on ice when exposed to heat, this she made he feel, needs​ she more than he, the pain engulfed his chest, flame burns but doesn’t consume, the comfort was only brought from the joy of our meet, he is longing much for she, am addicted, like a junkie am hooked to this drug, love, for she, these​ feelings​ brought back to the icebox of a heart, lost as a boomerang, the irony of that is not.
The origin far as east and west but at the middle was the meet, that cool night that followed Valentine, remember a time spent, that was the start of a new journey, through that path, look back and see how far we roll back, like a movie we play, script written by the steps we move by, she my lady, she my queen, am talking chess, she my freak in the, he calls she the piece and he that other, the halves that became one over time, join the dots and see, through the storms and shines we basked in, under the moonlight and stars representing memories made, vintage as ancient art, the things we have done date back to our time, he believes​ she the one and only under the sun, she his and he her’s, call me cupids victim, he fell hard for her as fast as that arrow shot straight through, bled red, and she nursed the love wound, on this land we grow from, our world.
I guess she planted this tree that grew and now shades we, love her and love her and love her, she’s​ once, twice, three times my lady, like Linole kinda quoted.